I've been mulling over an experience I had two Sundays ago. It was fifth Sunday and that means all adults meet together for second hour for some special presentation on a topic of relevance of some sort. I didn't remember what the topic was but I remembered thinking when it was announced that I wouldn't want to stay for it. Since I didn't remember I did the good girl thing and went in to sit on the last row, thinking I would leave if it was a parenting type subject. It turned out to be about attending the temple which is relevant to me and has been such a focus lately in all church venues such as conference, the Liahona magazine and local talks.
That was relevant, so I thought I should stay, but I found myself unusually restless and fidgety. I couldn't sit still and kept fiddling with my purse and phone and shifting around. half way through or a little more I decided I should focus on holding still, so the rest of the time I didn't let myself fidget but stayed completely frozen, immobile.
Then I went home and had something to eat and got ready to go to Sheree's at 3:30. Church is over at two pm, so there isn't a lot of time. As I got my purse, etc and headed out, I started itching on my right bicep, then my right forearm, my right wrist, and lower left leg on the left side. I was also itching at the back of my neck where I've been having rash the last couple of months. The itching was intense and felt like Lichen Planus rash itching. It subsided after awhile, but over the nexe few days several spots stayed very itchy and sprouted rash bumps. The back of my neck was painful and scratched. By the end of the week, every itchy spot had a rash bump with a tiny scab in the center and there was one more that popped up on the back of my left hand.
The only stimulus I can target for this was the tension and stress I felt sitting in that 5th Sunday second hour meeting. It was similar to the rash bump popping up when I sat with Harry in the ER several years ago. After several hours an itchy bump popped up on my right arm that was a LP rash bump.
I can't really say that what I got from the meeting was worth the stress and rash and itching all week. It is hard for me to walk away from second hour because I feel like that is letting down my determination to stay active consistently and I don't want to get comfortable with skipping out of meetings and maybe missing something of worth. What I'm wrestling with is how I will handle it if I am experiencing that level of stress in a meeting in the future. My feeling is that it would be better for me to leave and de-stress than stay and struggle and break out in stress rash. I did leave Relief Society that one time when I developed a panic attack. I think and hope that God would understand my desire to do what I should and the limitations I sometimes have for being fully active every single meeting. I already choose not to attend anything much that is social and am comfortable with that, but meetings are a different catagory of activity. So far I haven't had this happen to that degree in Sacrament meeting and I would be more determined to stay for that anyway.
Enduring to the end doesn't maybe have to include enduring stress to the point of triggering autoimmune rash?
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