Indian Summer View of Harbor and Mountain

After a long siege through spring and summer of too much cool and rain, we are getting a little back of some lovely days. We thought it was all gone this week when the rain gauge almost filled with 4 1/2 inches of rain, but now today, sun and 70 degrees the day before the last day of September. I love having a few more balmy days to walk in short sleeves unencumbered by weather gear. I walked around part of the Harbor today, choosing to traverse the far end to get some shots of the view that so often makes it into books and onto calendars. When Ranier is in view (or as we say here, 'The mountain is out!') the view from the far end of the harbor is total gold.

Good Day, Sunshine, Good Day, Sunshine...

We've been having some summer weather finally, as if to make up for the late spring/early fall weather that dogged our summer days, but that streak ended with a nasty weekend of cooler than normal temperatures and off and on rains including a night-long stretch that put an inch into our rain gauge. Now, in a little tender mercy we have some sun and warmer weather again, though not summer-hot as it was before the cold and rainy spell.  It felt perfect to me. In fact, the whole day pretty much flowed with all good things.

The usual schedule difficulties had combined to leave me pretty short on sleep by the time the alarm got me up at 4:30 am this morning-two nights of 5.5 hours sleep each, with no kind of nap. I worked hard all day yesterday cleaning house and getting my jewelry making supplies back in order after months of creating bookmarks and necklaces. I need to do more, but couldn't work in the disorganization any longer. Clogging was great last night, but I didn't get my shower done and get to bed until 11 pm.  So I was grateful to be able to come home this morning after seminary and go to bed for a serious catch-up nap. I figured 2 hours would do it, and got to sleep by 8am, then sure enough woke at 10:20, but I couldn't seem to wake all the way up, I kept drifting off again. Finally I decided that my body and brain were trying to tell me something and made up my mind to quit trying to wake up and settled in to sleep again. This time when I woke up I was rested and ready to get up but it was 12:30 pm! I should feel bad for being such a slug I suppose, but really, I don't. Meeting my bodies' need for sleep just felt wonderful.  I got so used to having enough sleep this summer that I don't want to go back to being sleepy all the time.

I got another couple of bonuses out of it. First of all, I weighed myself and I've dropped the couple of pounds that I picked up on vacation and starting seminary with the days I didn't exercise. Sleep does wonderful things for burning calories, speeding metabolism and reducing appetite, so when I sat down to the first meal of my day, I could only eat about half of what I usually want, so the sleep seems to have affected that for the better. When I woke up, the sun was out and the air was fresh, balmy with a little moisture, and cool without being cold. The sun was warming the day just right.  I was brimming with energy to go and exercise, so after a scheduled haircut, I headed off to the woods planning to walk for 40 minutes, but instead walked and jogged the trails for an hour and came out dripping sweat but feeling wonderful. Peninsula High School's cross country team was practicing for a meet taking place on the trails tomorrow, so the woods were busy and happy with running teens. No worries about bears today.

A good dinner of almond crusted chicken breast and beans with roasted red potatoes in rosemary butter sauce (Green Giant, I'm not that ambitious!), with a brownie for dessert, and I went into the evening feeling rested, exercised and fed. Really a nice all around day. Tomorrow promises similar weather, 66 by noon, and 78 by dinner time. Bliss. It's almost officially fall, but I won't mind if we pretend a little longer that summer is lingering around.  And the best last thing-I get to sleep in tomorrow!  Then, I'm looking for my new computer to arrive!

Walking on the Predator Path...

I got out to walk yesterday in the neighborhood by where the bear attack took place last year-50 yards from our driveway.  There aren't any houses in there yet so it is a nice peaceful place with no cars and sidewalks all the way around.  It's a mile total loop and goes uphill all the way to the far end of the loop, so I get a good uphill workout, and then I usually jog on the downhill, so it's a good balance.

For the first time on my walks around the loop I saw a lot of doggie doo on the sidewalks. There are some dog walkers that walk that loop, but usually they are good about either curbing their dogs to the grass or picking up the dog's waste.  Then I saw what was unmistakably bear scat (poop). Bear plops are kind of round and looser, especially when they're eating a lot of fruit as they are in the fall. A big giveaway also is the seeds, pits, and the blackberry color staining the area around it.  It wasn't as large as what I used to see up on our property in the fall, when they're eating the Gravenstein apples but definitely came from a bear.  I mused as I walked around, noting other instances as I walked. There were a lot of what looked like cherry pits, so there must be wild cherries around nearby.

Bear scat with wild cherries

Coyote scat, aged, showing fur of ingested animals

Then I got thinking about the doggie piles and realized they looked like the picture I have on a scat chart of coyote scat. We definitely have a pack in the area, we hear them at night frequently.  I looked closer at some that was more weathered and saw that it was mostly all animal fur, so coyote for sure.  The fresher ones also had that dark black look that you get with meat eaters as opposed to the grain and soy chow that domestic dogs eat that makes a different color and texture. (I know this sounds really gross, but I was finding it really interesting. It kicks in the amateur biologist in me.)

On my second time around the loop I decided to count, and came up with 14 instances of coyote scat, and 8 of bear.  What I found especially interesting was how both kinds of animal had done so much pooping on the sidewalk. Either there's a ton more in the grass and bushes, (which is kind of a scary thought) or they use the sidewalk by preference, (which is just weird).  I have this picture in my mind of the neighborhood at night with the coyotes and bears walking sedately around the neighborhood on the sidewalks, nodding at each other and growling 'good evening' as they pass, at least when they're not stopping to relieve themselves...  I do wonder if there is some connection to the smell of human feet on the sidewalks that triggers them to mark territory this way, but who knows?

I didn't see any other sign of wildlife, not even the bunnies I was seeing earlier in the summer-guess that's not surprising-but I do wonder if I ought to be more worried about walking where there is obviously high bear activity, especially considering the woman that was mauled down at the entrance to the development last fall.  But she had a dog off leash that was threatening the bear, so I don't think it's the same risk.

The walk felt really good though, I missed exercising for four days in a row, choosing best instead of good or better on several of those days. (Sleep!) I had no valid reason on Tuesday though, so yesterday was in the spirit of breaking the inertia of several days of skipping exercise and renewing my commitment to six days a week.

Today I walked in McCormick woods for over an hour, using my Nordic sticks, which were really nice for the woodsy trails in there.  I only saw bear scat once, but I bet they are a lot more active in there. The whole woods right now are full of Oregon grape higher than my head, huckleberries, and I'm sure many other kinds.  I love getting on the deep trails and being in the middle of what feels like primeval forest, even though I can hear nearby traffic and some business that is sawing wood (very loudly) at times as I move through different parts. The Doug firs reach high around me like the columns of an ancient temple, and clumps of sword fern as big around as fountains line the sides of gorges. There is a kind of plant that looks so Jurassic that I almost expect to stumble onto a herd of  browsing triceratops. They rise up over my head on single stalks furred with thorns, supporting leaves shaped like maple leaves, only they are the size of turkey platters. I'll have to add a photo..which means another walk there.. which isn't a bad thing...

Tuesday, September 20th...I went back to the woods to walk and get photos...I took some of the Jurassic looking plants..

So here is one of the leaves with my hand for scale:

 I stood under the plant to show how it towers over my head, and then stepped back and took a shot of the whole thing. I think it's really attractive. There is one spot that I didn't get to this time that is a kind of clearing that is full of these plants. That is where it feels like I will see the triceratops herd munching away.

Here's a shot of the trail I was on. Is this heaven or what?

 The temple of trees..I was bending way back to get this shot of the tree that went up, and up, and up..

 Here's a spot where a tree hangs over the trail.

 This is a shot pointing uphill through and towards trees that fell across the trail and had to be cut to keep it open.

 Ferns, ferns, ferns, sword ferns everywhere...

Baby Blessing-Welcome Dexter Scott Richins

Baby blessings are one of life's sweet moments, followed by more sweet  moments celebrating with gathered family. The first Saturday in August we had the opportunity to go down to Beaverton Oregon for the blessing of Dexter Scott Richins,, the newest addition to the Steve and Sara Richins family. We were a little concerned that we wouldn't make it in time, since we needed to be there by 9 am coming from Gig Harbor.  Not to worry, mom got to our house right on time at six am, and we made it with plenty of time to spare even with a bridge closure and detour on the way. All went well and the blessing was really sweet.
Besides Harry, mom and I, Kevin, Jessica and their three children were able to come, so we had eight of the grand kids to enjoy.  After church we all met at the spray and play park near Steve and Sara's home for a pot luck picnic. Steve and Sara put up a big canopy over a picnic table near the waterworks and we turned the kids loose to get wet while we got dinner organized.  We had lots of great food, fried chicken, chips, watermelon, fruit and potato salads and Grandma's gooey fudge brownies and 'dino poop'cookies- a favorite for the grandkids.

Dinosaur Poop is the nickname my kids gave my mom's recipe for Saucepan Fudge Cookies.  I loved them as a child, my kids loved them, and now the grandkids love them too. They're  a great go-to for busy moms when a last minute or an easy treat is needed.  They are fast and easy to make and the ingredients are usually on hand. Almost more candy than cookie, they are really yummy.  The recipe follows:

Saucepan Fudge Cookies/Dinosaur Poop

Use a two quart saucepan. Prepare the counter with about 2 feet of waxed paper, or non-stick foil, or parchment paper.  Heat the following on medium heat, stirring frequently until the mixture comes to to a boil.        

1 stick of butter

2 cups of sugar

1/4 cup milk

1/4 cup evaporated milk, or yogurt, or sour cream

1/2 cup sifted unsweetened baking cocoa

1/2 teaspoon of salt

When it comes to a full boil stir constantly for one minute (the time is important, don't overcook), then take it off the heat and stir in:

4 cups quick rolled oats

1 teaspoon vanilla

Using two spoons, quickly spoon out dollops of the mixture onto the prepared non-stick surface. The mixture sets up quickly, so this is essential.  Allow the cookies to cool. They will harden some and over a little time they will become even firmer and sugary in texture.

Anyway, back to the party. I was really tired from being up late cooking the night before and getting up early, so I zoned and didn't take my usual hundreds of photos of the kids in the spray and play and on the playground.  The kids cruised by every little while all dripping and grabbed some food and took off again. The grownups vegged in camp chairs and talked and read books/Kindle. The sun was warm, with occasional clouds to give a little relief from the heat.  When it came time to pack up and go, Kevin and family to Astoria to continue their vacation, and us back home, it was hard to say goodbye, but very sweet to have had the time together.  And baby Dexter? He was just cute as he could be, and huge for two months old. He slept and got held by various doting family.  I got some baby time in, and it was really sweet.  So, no more blessings for awhile, we have no babies announced at the moment, and probably not any for awhile now.  I feel very blessed for all the sweet grandchildren we have here now...

I'm Buying Dog Treats-Nope, we still don't have a dog..

I got familiar with the dog treats in the pet aisle today.  I ended up bringing home a box of traditional bone shaped dog biscuits. Home to a house with a cat and no dogs. And why? I have problem to solve.

So here is the back story.  Saturday I challenged myself to walk a loop from my house to the water and around to the other end of our street and home, with a side trip to bring it up to a four mile walk. I did that, and it went fine, very little discomfort, and my feet were doing well in my Merrill barefoot shoes.  When I got back onto our street I was half a mile from home, and I started estimating the quarter mile point, which is the home stretch, a mild but relentless uphill stretch.  Just as I got to that spot, which coincidentally is the spot where a bear mauled a woman walker last fall, a medium sized yellow dog rushed out of the driveway across the street, barking aggressively.  I slowed down but kept moving, though the dog's intensity made me more than usually nervous.  Normally I feel cautious about barking dogs but not frightened.  They usually hold a stance by their property and make a big barking show. Sometimes their tails are even wagging, belying their pretended fierceness.  I usually keep moving and get out of their territory as quickly as I can without seeming like I'm running away.

This dog's fierceness had me more worried than usual, and my worry increased when a few steps later a large black dog rushed out of the driveway to join the smaller one.  This dog's barking was just as intense and fierce, and it galloped towards me, crossing the street.  I immediately froze and avoided making eye contact.  I hoped that by being still and quiet the dogs would stop seeing me as a threat, lose interest and go back to their driveway so I could move quietly on my way.  Instead, they came closer and started growling deep in their throats.  No one from the house they belong to heard and called them back, and I started to feel more than worried.

Years ago when I used to bicycle through a neighborhood infested with roaming dogs and dog packs I would use a deep commanding voice and command them to 'go home'.  This often defused their aggression. One time, however, a woman was walking a really big black dog off leash and it came after me. My 'go home!' seemed to incite more aggression in the dog and it circled around the bike as I kept peddling and lunged up, biting me on the thigh, (which I found later broke the skin in one spot). I stopped and froze and it kept leaping up and trying to bite me until the owner got there to control it. 

What was worrying me was that these dogs were sounding and acting like the dog that bit me.  There was a level of aggression that seemed likely to escalate into an attack if I did anything to excite them further.  I didn't dare move because when I did initially they were more aggressive.  The only thing I could think to do was pray, and I did that with real intensity, asking for someone to come along and help me. As I did the smaller dog started moving behind me, a typical pack hunting behavior. That worried me even more.  Within less than half a minute I could hear a car coming from behind me in the far lane to where I was walking.  I immediately visualized that the dogs would be distracted from me by the car coming through and that I might be able to move away while they dealt with that.  Sure enough, even though the car had to stop for the dogs in the road, they started moving away from me and to the other side of the road. As the car moved up beside me, I started walking as quickly as I could to take advantage of it while it was there.

Then the young man driving asked, "Are you OK?"  I answered, "Well, they ARE very aggressive!".  He said, "I'll stay between you and them until you can get farther down the road." I thanked him and told him I'd been praying someone would come along and help me and started walking quickly away, getting up on the sidewalk that starts right there by the housing development entrance that has no houses in it yet. The car moved further along then, and I looked back and saw the dogs were staying in the road by their driveway, sniffing the ground where I had been standing.  I indicated that I was fine, and the car went on its way. 

I've given it some thought since then. Those dogs have often barked at me from behind their fence but they've never been loose before.  They might never be again, but since they might be and since I'm not going to stop walking on my road. Mace was suggested to me, and I considered how I might have used my walking poles to defend myself, but I realized that doing anything aggressive or hurtful to the dogs would likely increase their view of me as a threat to be attacked more aggressively. Since I still want to be able to walk on my road, I don't want to become more of an enemy to the dogs. So, I decided to get some dog treats and carry a few with me when I walk.  Then if the dogs threaten I can distract them with treats and even perhaps become known as a source of good things and less likely to be attacked.  Then again, maybe they will never be loose again, and I'll be out my three and a half bucks and have an un-needed box of dog biscuits gathering dust in my pantry, but hey, it feels better to be prepared...

Flash Mob Choir

Our ward is suffering from a lack of enthusiasm and participation in our ward choir. Our very experienced, talented and creative ward choir director has come up with a great way to have a monthly choir performance in spite of the lack of attendance at weekly choir practice.

Twice in the last two months various ward members have been greeted by the opportunity to take a card from our choir director and participate in a flash mob choir number. The index cards she hands out contain directions for singing one of the hymns in the hymn book as a choir number.  Certain verses are to be sung just by men or just by women.  Places to sing softer or louder are outlined.  The index card is small enough to tuck inside a hymn book for reference while singing.

At the appointed time in the program the director and pianist get up and so does pretty much half the ward!  The 'mob' consists of folks from senior primary age on up.  The size of the group and the familiarity of the music make up for the lack of practice. Our ward is blessed with quite a few people who have good voices and the ability to read music, but most of them are currently not  too excited about weekly choir practice when there isn't a Christmas or Easter program to prepare for.  The flash choir gives them a way to bless the ward and gives many others who may never have considered choir a chance to experience the joy of singing.

So far I haven't yet arrived in time to receive a card inviting me to participate, so I've had the pleasure of enjoying listening to the flash mob choir sing.

Another Summer-less Summer?

Those of us living in the Pacific Northwest survived a wetter and colder than usual spring anxious for the 4th of July and the traditional arrival of our usual dry and warm summer weather. We have a saying that you can't count on summer weather until after the fourth..
Except for last summer when the shift from an El Nino cycle to a La Nina cycle left us with way too much wet and cool weather. Normally that would mean this summer would bring us out of the El and La cycles and ensure a return to the wonderful weeks of warm and dry weather that let us stay sane during the soggy months to come.
And sure enough, we celebrated the weekend of the fourth with wonderful days of sun and blue skies. We spent two rare sunny days in normally dreary Forks. In Shelton, on the fourth We broke out the kayaks and the barbeque and heaved a sigh of relief.
And then the cool air and rains returned. We got an inch during a night of rain Saturday night and more last night. Harry and I looked at our lawn, which had just started into it's summer dormancy and predicted it would start growing again and lawn mowing would be needed soon. Poor Harry. He so looks forward to not having to mow for a couple of months. Looks like a summer-less summer two years in a row. Yuck.

Meanwhile, we are having our usual abundance of green. Sometimes in the summer it almost feels suffocating. All the roadsides and trails billow with green until it feels like you don't dare hold still or it will reach out and engulf like the hedge of thorns around the castle of Sleeping Beauty. Speaking of which, a lot of the blackberry bushes died down last year in the hard crack unusually long cold spell. I've never seen the brambles so bare. It must have been good for them, because they grew back this summer to heights I've never seen before. The vines behind our house are a deep screen that is up to the second story now and obscures the view from all the ground floor windows.
I'll finish with an old joke that applies this year...A guy moved here one fall and in early spring wrote his friends back home, "Hey, you guys ought to move out here, they don't have any winter!" The next August he writes them again, "Never mind, they don't have a summer either..".

Shopping War Story Number Three

So, see the previous two posts for the set up on this series.

My third encounter was the most disturbing and left me with more 'I should have said' and 'I should have done..' than the other two. I was back at Costco again, on a week day after Christmas early enough in the morning that the parking lot was fairly lightly filled. I'd just filled my gas tank and was cruising along fairly quickly at the front of the parking next to the building. As I neared a row just before where the doors to the store are, I spotted a car backing out in a front spot, and slid right into it as they backed around to go the other way. As I pulled in, I felt a little surge of satisfaction at finding such a close spot to the door so quickly. I couldn't see past the car backing out very well, but thought there was a car pulling up on the other side of the backing out car and thought that there was probably someone there who was eying the spot as well, but figured as we both were there at the same time, there was no unfairness for me to get it since I was in the position to get it first.

I was turned away towards the passenger side gathering my purse up when there was a sharp, angry rap on my window. Dismay. That other driver was obviously pretty upset with me. I rolled down the window, and a young woman was standing there. She started in immediately, outrage evident in every word and tone. "You could see I'd been sitting there waiting for that spot!" I glanced up, and sure enough, now that the other car was gone, I could see there were actually four cars waiting behind hers. Dang. I was certainly in the wrong here, even though I hadn't known she had been there waiting. She went on, "My mother is elderly and handicapped, and..." Aware that there were all those other drivers waiting, and not wanting to prolong things for anyone, I cut her off, saying, "I'm sorry. How about if I go ahead and leave the space so you can use it?" Her demeanor instantly softened, and warmed. "Oh! Thank you! That would be wonderful!" I just smiled and said, 'It's no problem at all.'

I backed out and moved farther along a couple of rows to the other side of the doors into the store, and found an uncontested spot identically in the very front slot. So I didn't lose anything by moving. But my composure was shaken, and I felt really bad that I impulsively took advantage like that and caused that young lady such an upset. Really I don't think in the long run it ever hurts us to be aware of others and try to quietly be kind to them. I'm pretty oblivious when I'm out shopping, don't usually look at others or pay much attention to them. My war stories have reminded me to be more aware.

War Story Number Two

See the previous post for an introduction to this one. This is my second Christmas shopping war story.

The next place I went after Costco was Albertson's, which is across the street. I didn't need a whole lot, so when I was done I decided to go through the self-check. The lines at all the registers were long.

As I was pushing my cart in that direction I noticed I was walking along more or less between two men pushing carts that were also lightly loaded. Then I became aware that they were both putting on more speed and navigating to get in front of me. I recognized that competitive energy, not confined to men certainly, but typical of what I see in Harry when he is anxious to be the first in line somewhere. I was in a hurry too, but suddenly it seemed so inconsequential, which of us had to wait an extra couple of minutes because of not getting ahead of the others. So I slowed down, let them pull ahead of me, and looked to see where I could fit in after them.

It turned out, as they charged ahead, vying for the further self-serve spots, the shopper at the first self serve spot gathered his things and left, leaving me an empty spot to get started with my purchase immediately. I didn't look to see where the two men ended up, really this time it didn't matter.

Christmas Shopping War Stories-A Season of Peace?

The tensions of the season pop up in stores and parking lots as we get closer to Christmas and the time gets short. I have three war stories to relate. I'll leave the conclusions to the reader.

This post is story number one.

First, I was in Costco with three items in my cart. Self-service lines were long, so I cruised along the ends of the checkout lines for one that looked shorter and with less loaded carts. Coming to the last one, I made my pick. Three people ahead of me and not too much in their carts. I parked in behind the last cart and settled in to wait. Then I glanced up at a woman who was nearby when I joined the line. She was giving me that 'look', indignant daggers of -don't you dare get in front of me!-I was surprised. Whatever peripheral awareness I'd had of her was that she didn't have any cart and wasn't carrying anything, so I hadn't paid much attention to her, assuming she was going to move in some direction or another to wherever she was going.

Seeing her indignant challenging glare, I looked around to see if there was some way she could be trying to stand in the line, and saw her several young daughters walk up pushing a full cart. I guess she'd hurried ahead to save a place in line while they caught up with the cart. I was taken aback by her silent challenge, and opted to give way, though not entirely gracefully. My eyebrows went up as I quietly said, 'O-Kay.....' and shifted over to the next line.

I settled in to wait again, thinking my own thoughts about things that needed doing until I suddenly tuned in to one of the daughters saying, "yeah, and she looked at me like, you're not getting in line in front of me.." Since only a minute had passed I figured she must be talking about me and I mused about how our perceptions of the same thing were so different. I resisted the urge to turn and say, "You know I can hear you.."

But that wasn't all. It turns out whoever was in process of being checked out at the first register when I tried to join the first line was involved in some prolonged transaction. The line I moved over to clipped along pretty quickly in comparison, while the woman and her daughters cooled their heels in the same place I left them when I changed lines. By the time I was unloading my items to be checked out they were a little closer, and by the time I was paying they were three back and starting to unload their cart. They were still three back when I wheeled my cart past that check stand. I'm sorry, but I have to admit there was a small smile on my face...

The First Official Weigh-In of 2011

This was my first post new year weigh in at the weekly TOPS meeting. I found out the first TOPS weigh in of the year is special. Since we are starting a new year we are setting a new benchmark, so we can say whatever we want instead of 'Down' or 'Up' or 'Turtle' (stayed the same) Those who were down had no problem saying so, but those who were up could say 'Happy New Year' , or 'WHAT-EVER'.... me, I was surprised to be able to say 'Turtle'-I was so sure I'd have a gain this time.

I decided to change some things with this weigh-in. The first weigh-in of the year is a good time to do that. I'm so tired of skipping breakfast, and going without water the morning of meeting. I'm always trying to minimize the damage from a week where I didn't do enough to lose anything, and even may have gained some. I decided to eat breakfast, drink water and take my lumps on the weigh in and then eat and drink every week from now on.

I weighed several times to see what difference it made. After a light breakfast and not much to drink I was up half a pound. An hour later after one last trip to the bathroom I was up another .2 pounds. Now how do you gain weight taking in nothing and even lightening the overall load a little? Dang. I was thirsty still, so I drank another six or eight ounces of water on the way to the meeting. What the heck, I was setting a new starting weight, right? Last week the meeting scale weighed me half a pound heavier than my scale at home. This week it weighed me half a pound lighter, so I showed the same weight, even after food and water. That was encouraging.

Then I worked on sticking to a healthy reasonable food plan and was starving hungry all day until I ate a quarter cup of cashews. There's something not right here.

Envying an Anorexic

Wait, wait, before you think I'm nuts, it's not what you think! I would never aspire to anorexia or any other eating disorder. My own battle with overeating has been enough of a long and painful road for me to know better than that.

Let me explain. Yesterday I watched the re-broadcast of Oprah's interview with Portia Degeneres. She has just written a book that reveals her struggles with bulimia and anorexia. I do not in any way envy her experiences or desire to be even a little anorexic, no matter what. What caught my attention was why she struggled and how she overcame it.

It sounded like pressures to be a thin actress and feeling insecure got her obsessed with being thin and in control of her eating and the deprivation created binging and purging.

Now she realizes her normal weight and size are a good thing and she accepts being a healthy weight. The pressure is off. She also feels loved and lovable and worthy of being accepted and successful. She said that the key for her now is never to restrict herself from any food, that as long as she can eat as much as she wants whenever she wants, food becomes normal and she doesn't need to eat or over-eat any food. She finds she just wants to eat to feel good and energized and the food amounts and kinds take care of themselves, as does her weight.

I'm watching Oprah listen to this with the same perplexity I'm feeling. We're both trying to figure out how applying that to ourselves could possibly have the same result it does for Portia. I know Oprah eats chips when she's stressed, I go for chocolate. Emotional eating is different than binge eating from over-dieting. Eating a good healthy diet doesn't entirely fix emotional eating, and emotional eating is much less tied to food deprivation.

Right now I'm feeling that tension with food that doesn't feel healthy. I'm aware all the time of needing to eat less to support my goals to lose weight, and so hunger and eating and food are all heavy with anxiety for me. I weigh in every week at my TOPS meeting and I'm in a bad cycle of desperately trying at the last minute to get some weight off before meeting and eating in relief for a few days after. This is not why I'm doing the accountability of weigh ins. I have to figure out how to be honest in my whole week and put the weigh-in into a healthy place in that.

It's January and It's Raining Diet Experts...

This is the week when TV programming bursts its seams with diet experts and diet advice. Pretty much every news cast, every news variety program and most of the talk shows are highlighting this year's no-fail ways to keep that weight loss resolution.

I make resolutions to lose weight, monthly, weekly, daily, but the January resolution is the big guns resolve. January first is the quintessential clean slate, and it one cannot resist planning for that big change to start now. I'm sure I'm not alone and all that advice is being sucked up by an avid audience looking for their final weight loss solution too.

I've been watching this stuff all week. I have that feeling that if I don't tune into all the shows focused on weight loss that I will surely miss that crucial secret-the thing or combination of things that will unlock it for me this time. Surely when Dr. Phil gets his 17 day diet teams started, and the newest biggest losers huff and puff their way through their first challenge, and when Dr. Oz unveils his new can't fail plan with its panel of expert consultants, there will be the motivation and the inspiration I need to succeed.

Today I was jogging on my mini-tramp (resolution 1-I will exercise every day!) and watching Dr. Phil get his teams started with this new 17 day diet he is promoting. I've been wondering why he is suddenly so gung-ho for this guy's plan when he has his own 'can't fail' book for losing weight that advises against the drastic calorie reduction this diet espouses. He was so positive about it that I'd decided to go online and buy it as soon as the holidays settled down so I could have it for the new year diet start. As always, I researched it first to see what was being said about it in reviews. One reviewer gave a sample of menus for the different levels and I ran them through my diet program to see what the calorie counts were. The starting cycle day's menu added up to 700 calories a day. I'm thinking, "How in the world would I eat 700 calories for three (make that one day!) days, let alone 17!"

In the end I decided not to buy the book. The book was written for dealing with holiday weight gain and avoiding plateaus, but and may be very good for both, but I don't see myself holding for over two weeks at a time to calorie levels as low as these.